Memorial Biography 07/27/2008

Written by Floyd Starnes and read at Sam's memorial service by Dr. Fred Kersh on 07/27/2008:

First of all we would like to thank all the doctors, nurses, and hospital staff at Scott and White Hospital who did everything medically possible to prolong Sam’s life. Second we thank all the folks at Legacy Hospice who made it possible for Sam to spend his last months at home and a special thanks to Nurse Mary for her help and understanding of Sam’s moods during the last three months. Next we would like to thank Linda and Fred Kersh for everything they have done for us during his sickness and afterwards. We would also like to thank everyone who helped out during Sam’s illness, those who sent cards or letters of condolence, and those who gave donations to Legacy Hospice or the American Cancer Society and of course my mom, who came out every day. I thank Tyler Junior College and all the wonderful people there for the sympathy and time off to care for Sam during his last months. We would also like to thank the University of Texas at Tyler for awarding Sam his college diploma posthumously as he was so close to graduation.

We waited a month to have the memorial to allow time for grief and mourning. We wish to celebrate Sam’s life here tonight, not just mourn his death.

Sam was born September 18, 1984, during the 1984 summer Olympics. I remember the Olympics as Penny, my wife, spent two months in the hospital with an abrupted placenta before Sam was born. We spent a lot of time watching the Olympics on the hospital television in her room. Despite the medical problems Sam was a normal healthy boy in all respects. He could be particularly stubborn if he did not get his way. So much so in fact, that he was routinely referred to as Sam-Mule with emphasis on the mule. His early years were in Longview and Houston where he developed a fascination with pump jacks. Any time we drove through the countryside, Sam would sit in his car seat and yell (quite loudly) “pump jack” every time he saw a pump jack. If he saw ten pump jacks he would yell “pump jack” ten times. You can imagine what these trips were like as Houston and East Texas have some stretches of road with hundreds of pump jacks.

He started the first grade at Andy Woods Elementary here in Tyler. Sam had an excess of energy as a youngster and was prone to rocking back and forth if required to stand in one place. One of my fondest memories of Sam was during a parent teacher conference with Mrs. Mock , his third grade teacher. As we conversed with his teacher, Sam began to rock back and forth as was his habit. Mrs. Mock came up behind him, placed her hands on his shoulders, and gently began to quell the rocking, all the while carrying on a normal conversation with Penny and I. I knew Sam had found the perfect teacher for him. Sam’s ambition later in life was to become a teacher and this was due to the many wonderful teachers he had during his education.

Sam was always unique and strong minded. He would do what you asked but if his heart was not in the task you took your chances. As an example when he was in the fourth grade his teacher required that the class write a short story about the planet Pluto. I include it in its entirety:

“One afternoon at 3:00 Ken and his brother Chip were walking in their backyard until they saw a silver of light in the bushes. They ran up to it closer and closer they came. Then they were right in front of it. It sucked them up and flew into outer space. “Look at all those stars!” said Ken. “Who cares.” Said Chip. “What about us” said Chip. Chip saw a stupid boring planet!
The End.”

Sam attended Hubbard Middle School where he began playing the violin under the tutelage of Mrs. Epperson. He enjoyed orchestra and the companionship of the orchestra members and I have many wonderful memories of orchestra concerts, both in middle school and later at Robert E Lee High School, although I must admit that some of the earliest concerts could be tough on the ears. During high school, the orchestra members were required to wear tuxes during the concerts. We have some wonderful photos of a handsome Sam decked out in his tuxedo looking like James Bond.

When Sam began college at UTT, I required that he either work during the summers or go to summer school. He chose to work and got a job at Game X-change on Broadway. This was a perfect fit since Sam has loved and played video games since he was old enough to hold a game controller. It seemed that every Christmas since the first grade I purchased either a game system or a game module for him. He has been able to defeat me at any video game since about the third grade. When his mother or I would visit the store, we were amazed at how professional he was and how capable and knowledgeable he was at helping the customers. I normally required my sons to quit any summer jobs when school started back up as I always felt that studying and making good grades was their primary job during school season, but Sam enjoyed his job so much I allowed him to keep it during the school year. As usual, he did not disappoint and his grades stayed at the A level.

As mentioned before, Sam had a mind of his own. Even though I went to Texas A&M and my oldest son Lee went to Texas A&M, ( you can imagine the pressure on Sam to attend A&M) Sam turned down A&M and opted instead to attend the University of Texas at Tyler. He lived at home during his college years with his old mom and dad. Although I wanted him to attend A&M, I feel fortunate that he stayed home and gave his mom and I several more years of his company. He also exercised his own judgment in the choice of his major, English. Neither his mom or I are English majors, in fact, I avoided English classes whenever possible.

Since this is a celebration of Sam’s life, we must comment on how he lived the last 7 months as well. Sam spent a week in the ICU at Mother Frances in November 2007 after having fluid drained from around his heart that was preventing his heart from pumping properly. He very nearly died at this time and the episode did change him some. The doctors felt the cause was a virus and that it would not re-occur but Sam still worried about dying. I found a paper he wrote in January 2008 for a communications class he was taking at UTT. It tells as much about him as I can. It follows:

Who am I? I am

Shy
intelligent
charismatic
hyper-active
bold
loving
caring
thoughtful
a Son
a Brother

Also for this communication class Sam had to write an academic biography. This paper is dated January 16, 2008 and I found it in his desk after his death. We will let Sam tell us about Sam in his own words:

The Academic Biography of Sam Starnes

The world of education has been a part of life since my first day of preschool, but I never understood its value until I was in the third grade. I had always done well in school, making a combination of both A’s and B’s on my report cards, but I never really enjoyed education until I met Mrs. Mock, my third grade teacher. Her enthusiasm for teaching, her uncanny fairness, and overall value in her students as people inspired me to take my learning seriously. She was the first to offer me choice in what I could learn, and the more subjects I found interesting the more I began to understand that education only works when the learner is passionate about the subject material. The more students are exposed to choice, the more they learn to care about learning itself. Not only did we learn about major subjects, but Mrs. Mock encouraged us to learn from each other.

As I grew older, I soon became involved in what school officials call “higher learning” or “advanced classes” because they offered so much more freedom than the standard curriculum. My family encouraged this partly because my brother took them, but I choose them for the opportunity to learn among those who shared my passion for critical thinking. I met most of my friends in these classes, and it was easy to converse and debate with students who cared as much for the subject matter as I did. The teachers were both friendly and helpful, and like me they took their role in education seriously. They encouraged free speech, group work and open discussions o the subject matter. If there is at least one thing to say about advanced courses, it’s that I would have never been so sure about college life had I not taken them.

My family has always supported my education even before I started taking my learning experiences seriously. Since almost everyone in my family has at least a bachelor’s degree in some subject, I have been destined to go to college before I was even given a choice on the matter (which would have been “yes” anyways). They were very strict when it came to grades, and they used their parental authority on my brother and I whenever we received less than favorable grades. This parental threat was our motivator to do our best, especially if we wanted to keep our privileges. However, I do understand that my family only did these things out of love, and throughout the years they have always been open minded to everything involving education. They allow me to try things that interest me and hope that I learn from the experience. For example, my parents encouraged me to join the school orchestra because of my fascination for stringed instruments, and I chose to be one of the orchestra’s many violin players. I rarely practiced the instrument on my own time and I wasn’t very good, but the years of playing the violin with a group of talented classmates had given me many memorable moments. I also gained a greater appreciation for classical music, which has become one of favorite genres in the music industry. After orchestra, my parents encouraged me to engage in something of the physical world that interested me. During my senior year, I joined the tennis team, and I learned the rules of the sport. In fact I still play tennis with my Dad every now and then, so the experience has allowed me to bond closer with my father. We’ve learned that our troubles are best taken out on the court, so at least I know the rules well enough to keep up with him and his hard serves.

As of right now, I’m in college hoping to complete my bachelor’s degree in English soon. I am currently a senior with just a few credits left to go, but I’ve enjoyed most of what I have experienced so far. Since I enjoy learning so much, I decided to join the education program in conjunction with my English major so I can earn a teaching certificate (which I hope to earn by the end of the year). With this certificate I plan to teach high school students the many areas of English and freedom of thought through critical thinking and discussion. Teachers, like many of us, learn something new everyday, especially from their students. I hope that one day I’ll be able to make a difference in someone’s life.

Sam’s right lung collapsed on March 14 and he had surgery to repair this problem. Then a hole was found in his heart and he had open heart surgery to fix his heart. We then learned on March 15 that he had terminal heart cancer and nothing could be done. After a tough week in the Scott and White ICU, Sam regained consciousness and was informed of his condition. I did not want to tell him, but he was 23 and an adult with a right to know. He was given a choice to stay in the hospital or go home. He chose to go home, to be in familiar surroundings with his family around him during his final days. The doctors at Scott and White predicted he would not live more than two weeks, yet he survived for three and a half months on sheer will power alone. That was my Sam. He died on Saturday, June 28, 2008 at 8 am in the morning only a month before the 2008 summer Olympics. Although his last months were painful, he died peacefully at the end.

In closing I include a poem that Penny would read to Sam.

I love you forever,
I like you for always,
As long as I’m living
my baby you’ll be.

-Floyd Starnes